Clinical Hypnotherapist and host of the
Calming Anxiety Podcast
In this episode, April interviews Martin Hewlett, a renowned British hypnotherapist who has been guiding millions through a season of high anxiety and stress, and who’s calming words have been a beacon of light to many through his podcast Calming Anxiety.
What you will learn in this episode:
- [11:56] If you rush you will make mistakes, just take a deep breath and say “I am going to do the best I can do” there is no need for stress or anger, don’t focus on the things you can not change.
- [13:18] How to manage anxiety and navigate change. Prioritize yourself and your mental health and then you will be able to look after your family.
- [16:48] Practicing mindfulness with your kids teaching them to know their emotions and work on them.
- [18:45] Parents apologizing to their kids is important. They know you make mistakes, own them.
- [19:55] Teaching our kids the value of debating. I didn’t get parenting right the first time, but that was my past (childhood) interfering.
- [35:12] How to deal with overwhelm and high-performance anxiety. You need to take time out 5-10 minutes a day to let your brain relax.
- “Don’t let the past define you but use it as an instrument of strength and growth.” [7:30]
- “You can change your world just by thinking about it”. ” [37:42]
- “The negative anchors of our past holds us from really being who we want to be” [50:10]
What can you do today? To Be Productive. Effective. Perform at your best. Even now.
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About Our Guest:
Martin Hewlett is a qualified hypnotherapist and paramedic, based in North Devon, England, host of the Calming Anxiety podcast.
Connect with Martin Hewlett at www.martinhewlett.co.uk
okay martin thanks so much for joining us today on pivot me yeah it’s a pleasure thank you uh well thank you for inviting me on april um absolutely absolutely so martin um i’m going to do a quick introduction but we’re excited to get into both what you speak about on your calming anxiety podcast um and also know some about your backstory how you got into the work that you’re doing um uh and the the the work that you do with clients with your audience excuse me um but first let’s do an introduction so martin hewlett clinical hypnotherapist and host of the calming anxiety podcast he’s joining us today to talk about um the things he’s working with uh through his uh working through with his millions of listeners um we know that anxiety is definitely um my guess is at an all-time high definitely not my specialty but luckily it’s yours um and so i think that your the information that you’re providing the teaching that you’re providing the information you’re putting out there is just so critical at a time like this so welcome to the podcast welcome to pivot me and martin i’d love for you to just tell us a little bit about about your back story maybe even what got you into this type of work um a lifetime primarily i became a clinical hypnotherapist a few years ago after a huge mental breakdown classic story and i i have struggled throughout my life people who know me before the event um would say that i’m a totally different person now um i was very reactionary um fiery individual one could say and then work were very supportive gave me some incredible therapy called rewind and in an instant it really was that sort of moment switching on a light bulb i changed um my childhood issues which have always been problematic were no more in fact as i walked out from that first session of which i was aware that i’m thinking to myself well part of me was thinking this is rubbish i just sat in the middle of a car park and thought whoa that persistent voice in my head saying i was a failure and i was useless had gone and it set me free and more than that i thought i need to learn how to do this so i went off and i qualified as a hypnotherapist and then did more studies and subsequently i then put hypnotherapy meditation mindfulness and my lifelong background as a martial arts instructor all into calming anxiety and started the podcast 13 14 months ago and it has just exploded it’s bigger than anything i could have done i only started it to provide a little bit of extra help for local hypnotherapy clients but within a year it broke the one million download barrier and it’s the graph is just going up all the time um i know no one should be um grateful that that would be wrong or try to capitalize on the pandemic but my podcast came along just at the right time sure it’s definitely not capitalizing you’re providing an invaluable service in a time where globally we need your message yes and global is the thing i was amazed when i look at the statistics the show is now charting in 86 countries and and then i look at the demographic and in a way it’s quite sad because the main demographic that listening on the show are 20 to 34 year old women and and and the emails i get as well of thanks so i’m not going to be stopping anytime soon because people need what i provide yeah one thing i want to highlight martin what you said was so important so many things in there but one is that you know in this show pivot me we talk about the pivots we talk about these moments in our lives or business where sort of everything changed and you immediately highlighted a pivot what’s so important is that martin used to be different and then through this experience he completely changed and it’s such a good reminder because you know i am a listener of your podcast and i listen to your message and you you feel like the kind of guy who’s always lived this way like this guy’s always been on a meditation pillow he’s he’s balanced he’s peaceful and so to know that oh i used to be very reactionary oh i used to have a very different story about my life i think that’s one of the most important pieces of that because some people are looking and going oh well he must have always been this way and i love when we experience something or we change our story our whole life has shifted yeah um i i could quantify that um if i was a religious person i’ve been born again that i’ve you know it is a huge shift and everyone work colleagues mainly but old friends who knew the previous version of me to how i am now i am infinitely different i am annoyingly different in my generalized calmness towards everything and and i know other people can do it because i have been rock bottom i’ve been down there um i’ve had an eclectic mental health background and it never goes you know and i say that to clients and friends don’t think we’re going to change you you know your background will never go but you will be so much more at peace with what has happened in your past and you’ll use it almost as a badge of honor not as a way of eliciting um listing an emotional response and sympathy it’s not for that it’s to say yeah i’ve been through that but it’s made me a much better person and that’s what i do with uh clients when i do one-on-one hypnotherapy you know um don’t let your past define you but use it as an instrument of strength and growth and yeah like i’ve pivoted twice once was that amazing moment when i walked out for my first session um and then when i i listened to pat flynn who’s a youtuber um and it was his suggestion i was just listening i thinking well i’ll do a um a youtube channel and i’ll build that up but when i found him and he said podcasting i just you know it’s that light bulb moment that would be me and now the podcast is defining my brand you know it’s yeah i didn’t see and i didn’t see this two years ago at all yeah or even this time last year um how what a significance change that you never saw yourself as being a podcaster did you do public speaking or anything where you spoke to a large audience i know your background is um also as a paramedic for years i mean have you ever done anything like this um well i have um i i worked on local radio when i was at college and then a friend of mine and myself we helped set up a shopping center radio station so i’ve done that but not in a professional sense sure um but being a martial arts instructor you get used to speaking to people and then being a paramedic that just gives you an incredible life skill of dealing with every situation that life will throw in but i’ve never done the speaking that the podcast entails and then when the when when the messages and the emails come in and you realize the responsibility you then start thinking i better do this very carefully and professionally and when i do record them i’m recording them mainly for me for the younger version of myself so i’m doing it from a place of compassion and empathy and i think that comes across when you hear other apps they’re recorded by professional speakers but i’m i actually record them in one take close my eyes and talk to the four-year-old me that’s that’s who they’re for that’s powerful because part of building um a brand and a podcast is sort of identifying your avatar you and i spoke offline about this last week um but it’s so important to have a clear picture of who you’re speaking to and that was amazing to hear you’re speaking to a younger version of martin oh yeah and that’s really crucial for anyone going through problems where they think it started when they were younger you’ve got to meet your younger self tell them it’s okay right it’s not your fault go and rest i forgive you give them a hug and then move on and that’s actually a very crucial cornerstone in hypnotherapy and mindfulness sure sure can you talk about i i want to eventually get into some of the things that you do you know tips for mindfulness for all my anxiety but i would love to know i think of this sort of previous version of martin that was more reactionary i’m sure you know anger and all sorts of things that were going into it how different is your life you say you’re annoyingly different in what way are you experiencing life different now because of the work that you’ve done um apart from the odd occasion because no one’s perfect i’m just calm i just if i see people getting angry like in shops and queues i will actually approach them again you don’t need to be like this you know i’m just i i drive a lot calmer in fact well i’ve had to change it yeah because i put the calming anxiety logo on the back of the car so i can’t go you can’t be the angry driver right i have pink cars so i have the car and then i have the matte black 30 year old sports car okay so if you’re in a rush to be somewhere you don’t use the call me anxiety car that’s what i’m hearing okay but i live my life that i don’t have to rush anywhere yeah and even when i was out on the road as a paramedic you know it’s just if you rush you’ll make mistakes if you just take a deep breath and go i’m going to do the best i can do there is no need for stress there’s no need for anger don’t get upset about this the things outside of your scope that you cannot change like we cannot change endemic what we can do is change the way we react to it and yes it’s useful and you know i i’m in a stressful situation in the next eight weeks i have to move house the people who own this house are selling it and we have to move out there’s no houses in the market at the moment but you know i could get wound up but it won’t benefit me and it won’t benefit me i have seen sure we can’t change the occasion but we certainly can change our response to the occasion so what are some of the things that you um either through your podcast or directly to um to clients what are some of the things that you tell them to do to manage anxiety i’d probably frame it specifically in the light of what’s going on so obviously some people’s businesses and jobs have been um dramatically changed some i know you guys are going through a lockdown again as well um some people have kids at home that are doing uh distance learning there’s a lot of uh change and so i guess i would i would love for you to speak to both anxiety and perhaps navigating the change how best well i appreciate that because i’m homeschooling the kids at the moment whilst working for the ambulance service 12 hour shifts at home and just to explain that i have to monitor newly qualified paramedics the computer we use for data protection has to be refreshed every two minutes so there’s no not paying attention to it whilst home schooling and after four days of that this week this morning i woke up i had a blinding headache i was really stressed i was tired and i made the decision i phoned the school up and said we’re not doing it today i need to stop and i took the kids out for a walk in the woods with the dog and we got muddy you have to realize when you’re getting to that point no put yourself first put your own feelings and thoughts first and look after yourself because you cannot look after your family if you’re at breaking point right now it is really difficult if your job’s going down there’s no income because you’re self-employed that is horrible but you still need to take time out you really do you need to look after this part more than anything else because if if that fractures then you’re no good to anyone you can’t support the family in the uk and in the western hemisphere although you might lose your possessions you’ll always have a roof over your head it might not be the lifestyle you want and so being mindful in the morning when you wake up and just lying there for five minutes just collect your thoughts focus on your breathing and there’s not just my show there are thousands of podcasts out there and there’s lots of apps which i don’t want to mention because i’m about to take them on head-to-head martin’s got a new uh upcoming surprise around around the corner yeah we have and it’s and it’s unique but you really do need to take time out you need to learn how to meditate and if you don’t know about meditation it’s just relaxed breathing and stopping and being mindful of how your body feels right now and yes you can listen to my apple you can download my ebook they’re all free but it there is no excuse not to do it you can’t say you don’t have time right everyone can give it five minutes i mean there’s a halal rod with his miracle morning if you want to get up early which i don’t want to do i tried it it’s not for me i’ll get up at my own time but i will let the alarm and for five minutes i will just lie there and just breathe and when i go to bed at night i do a breathing exercise and it just gives you that time for you to reset all those anxious thoughts right control what’s going on in your house and i it is difficult for everyone in a first world country we have social care and it may not give you enough right now financially you might be really stressed but just take care of your own mind and see it in a different light cuddle your kids no matter how obnoxious they’re being they can’t help it but we can as adults we can correct our response to difficult situations sure sure do you practice mindfulness with with the kids um i know that they’re whether that’s meditation or even just talking them through a breathing exercise or a way to you know when they’re young we have a seven and nine year old and regulating our emotions can be a challenge and so i’m curious if you recommend hey take a deep breath or take a walk what what advice do you give to kids my step kids are seven and nine and they were especially henry who’s nine he was um challenging but beautiful but challenging yes and in the last year i totally know what you mean yeah he has changed so much he understands it he he gets upset that he gets frustrated and loses his temper but he’s aware it’s happening and that’s so crucial when you’re aware that you’re letting yourself down it’s not letting me down he lets himself down and he corrects it and that’s beautiful to see that connection between a wasted emotion you know but and there again you know when i get it wrong i’ll always turn around because he’ll point it out i’ll point it out again there i made a mistake you know i need to stop i need to take a deep breath and th they are part of the podcast they see me record it um and i’m teaching him online business and entrepreneurship because he’s got that explosive mind that likes to fire out in all directions whereas regular academia is not his thing whereas seven-year-old emily is just a swat and we both hate her because she’s clever you know her mathematical abilities and her sporting prowess is annoying you know she can do 20 chin ups 20 she’s seven it’s just insane they’re learning mindfulness yeah absolutely it makes a huge difference you know one thing i want to point out in what you said martin is you also said i’m not perfect i make the mistakes and i own it in front of my kids and i want to highlight that because i think um we do the same and that is such a critical thing to do with your kids because i think there was a there was a time when people felt like as parents we needed to be on a pedestal and that is not relatable and when we share in that kind of moment of vulnerability and that moment of mistakes um that’s what makes us relatable it’s important to let your kids see you screw up and then how you manage it going for it i lost my temper i said something i shouldn’t have said i should have managed this i should have managed traffic or disappointment better i think that’s such an important thing that you own that and then they get to see you fix it yeah when i brought up my first two because i was a house husband for nine years with my eldest boys jake and tom they’re 26 and 28. i always wanted to bring them up as young adults and let them debate with me and always remember jake got five and i said we’re going to do this this and this and he came back with a counter argument that absolutely nailed me and actually you’re right so we’ll do your way yeah and then grew up learning the value of debate and respect i didn’t get it right back then and i had a lot of trouble but that was my past interfering with me i’m downright going to make sure i get it absolutely spot on with these two and and it’s the i don’t know the privilege of being a step parent as well and being really broody i get to do it all again i get two lives i’m just so so lucky with that sure yeah sure i think it’s it offers us that moment of reflection and i see that in both step parents a step parent situation i’ve also seen that in grandparent situation where the way that they uh are as a grandparent is in stark contrast and i don’t mean just sweets but i mean it’s in stark contrast in how they were as a parent and i think they’ve got the benefit of experience they also got the benefit of reflection yeah and if if only we could all have that i think that we can even people that are going through the first time around we can have that benefit of experience and reflection um just by creating it just by thinking about how did i navigate that situation how could i have done it better what did i model for my kids we don’t have to wait um we’ve got the benefit of of doing it right and being more intentional i’m a big fan of being an intentional parent but that takes reflection you’ve got and you’ve got to build that in you’ve got to go on and navigate that well i’m going to do that differently and explain it to your kids in the process too yeah i mean i think when a parent apologizes to their child that that is really powerful it’s very powerful for the child to see the adults especially the most important adults in their life make a mistake and then say sorry it helps your child grow so is can you speak on that a little bit more because i think there’s definitely parents um or kind of on a a different tension of parenting but this is so important many parents are are i believe they’re concerned that they will diminish their authority by apologizing by acknowledging that they don’t have the answers or that they made a mistake can you speak to why that is so important i think that’s just more pride you know some people just never like to say sorry ever yeah we all have work colleagues and you can see them do something you go i didn’t do that and you’re just like but i saw you and i think that’s part of their um child response that’s really embedded deep in their psyche i think i think hypnotherapists are very aware of how we react is all born from how we were as a child because it never grows up it’s just it is important to show your children that you’re human and if we want them to apologize for their mistakes a child knows if we’ve made a mistake they’re not stupid and if we lie to them then all we’re teaching them is that lying’s acceptable that’s what adults do and we shouldn’t if we want to bring our children out to be the best versions of their selves and we’re not perfect just because we’re a parent doesn’t give us some god power and you know i i turn around to my lot and so you know i do have an issue i do get it wrong at times quite a lot of times but i’m always trying to improve always do and there are some things i don’t wish to change and my other half says well you know if you want to be perfect you could change this right you know um i’ve come a long way yes i want to be calm in most situations but i’m still me you know we shouldn’t strive for perfection um my core value is i never want to knowingly and on purpose upset or hurt another person wow um you know i would never want to put someone down belittle them or make my self feel superior to someone that that’s just not and i’d like my kids to do that as well i would imagine that core value can i guess is a contrast to how you used to conduct your life yeah i wasn’t no i wouldn’t i’d never want to have been a bully i may have been unwittingly um and i’m prob probably sure a lot i mean yes i’ve got some colleagues who put in complaints that i was bullying but it wasn’t intentionally it wasn’t from a sociopathic narcissistic point of view whereas we all know people who are and they know they are but yes i’ve changed and uh i deeply regret the people that i’ve upset in the past through my inability to understand how i interacted well yeah a lot of warnings gone over the last few years but i bet one of the things that we discuss on this uh in in pivot me we talk a lot about communication so usually most of our business owner or most of our listeners are business owners so we talk a lot about how we communicate with our team our employees and our and our family the most important relationships we have in life but that it’s not so much about what you say it’s what the listener hears and that’s hard because it puts the onus back on us um but i’m a big believer in radical responsibility over how we show up in this world you’ve cut out but if it’s still recording you’ve frozen on the screen which is a shame so if anyone is still listening to my part or maybe april’s part oops and we’re back and i’m back okay let’s turn this back on it was the wifi i don’t know it’s 5g and bill gates okay we’re back one thing i wanna uh mention martin that i think uh is is so valuable you were talking about how essentially we parent the way that we were parented and that’s by default and it takes a very very intentional change to not parent the way that we are parented which is funny because even people that are doing it if you say well did you like the way you were parented oftentimes the answer is no and yet we’re still replicating it so can you talk about how to not parent the same way we were parenting whether that’s a practice a book talk to us about that that was a key point in me wanting to be a parent i wanted to break the cycle so i had an older brother and we had a very difficult father we had a very difficult upbringing um i was fortunate i was put into secure psychiatric care at 14 and a half and that helped really i mean massively and i have a massive debt of gratitude to the psychiatrist that identified it and put me in there and then the psychiatric nurses that helped me survive so when i had children i wanted to give them something i didn’t have and i’m sure my uh ex-wife would sort of like go not all the time there mark but i made a conscious effort to break that cycle my brother didn’t and he went through life with the same baggage that he’d had and also i had a colleague that had a similar upbringing to me and they’ve moaned about it all their life and it defines how angry they are i mean colleagues call him mr angry and he still perpetuates the abuse he suffered and he doesn’t see it even though i’ve i’ve put it out to him i said look you’re just right that explodes it takes and i’m not bigging myself up but it just takes a massive amount of strength to try and break that sure um but i wanted to and i tried my best with my first family and i’m damn well doing a better job this time no disrespect to jake and tom um but you know it is difficult you know if you had a bad upbringing that that is what you do you know that is the framework you know people say well that’s how we react isn’t it i always remember this colleague something happened at work and he opened the back of the ambulance and he just said well i shout at you you shout at me and then we hug it goes me and my wife are always shouting and i was like no i don’t shout that’s not how grown-ups do it and you couldn’t make that connection but that’s how his dad had treated him and that’s how he treats absolutely everyone yeah i think you’ve got especially for a male you have to really swallow a massive dollop of humble pie okay ask me this is wrong i was wrong i want to improve and difficult you know because we are human and part of us never grows up there is always that four six ten year old trying to do for us what they think is best and not realizing it’s keeping us back it’s withholding us it’s damaging us and through hypnosis we talk to that young person and we say look can you change because it’s not helping now and the short answer is yes and then the client moves forward wow that’s powerful so there’s first got to be an awareness that it’s happening and what i hear is also owning it hey i’m doing this and i i i need to do better i think that’s probably just speculating that’s probably one of the biggest jumps right there is just the awareness that it’s happening because it can just be hey this is just how i communicate this as you were talking about this i’m thinking about some colleagues that i’ve worked with that were yellers and they’re like this is just how we communicate i’m like i’m that’s not how i communicate if i’m yelling i’m terribly wrong because that’s that’s j i communicate for a living always have been and that’s never the way i would always say nobody can hear your message because of your delivery um you can be saying the most profound thing but if it’s at that level um either you know some people are rallying to fight you and then the other people are scared of you they can’t hear your message if someone raises their voice to me at work or a patient or any time i switch off i think don’t want to know because because they’re not listening sure you know if you no one gets their point across with anger and aggression no one does um we we learn through debate through listening you know that’s that’s just crucial and and subsequently if you shout at your kids which we all do because we’re human um they’re not going to learn are they you should only shout to protect them if they’re in danger it’s just how with a child who will shut down emotionally inside their head if you’re shouting because they’re scared and upset because they’ve annoyed the most important person in their world how are they going to learn they’re not saying i think that’s a really important message is never shout at your kid and it’s tough because i think people do that and they believe they’re getting the desired response like oh well they’re not going to do this again because i made a really big impression on them but i think all you’ve done is made your child fearful of you yeah yeah absolutely wow that’s powerful yeah um one thing one thing i would love um to understand is how so you said you know pretty traumatic childhood um you broke away from your story which is amazing and actually kind of at the at the center of of my my work and my brand um is change your story change your life yeah and you and i haven’t talked about this much but that’s something that i firmly believed in because i very much stepped away from from my story and i’ve helped so many clients do it where well i’m not the kind of person that does this i silenced everything apparently except for our landline we’re just gonna have to suffer through that because it’s too far away to get um but the power is in changing your story and it’s not about the event because two people can experience the exact same event have different stories about it one is empowered by it one is um we’ll use it as a crutch for the rest of their life not to say that these things aren’t traumatic but they’re not reasons to never to never thrive um but how did how does your experience when you were younger and and going through the the insta the psychiatric institute how does that experience help you today both through the podcast or the work that you do with clients is it just because hey i’ve been through this too i imagine you’ve got a unique perspective um well that that definitely helps and especially say as a paramedic um whenever there’s a mental health job my crewmates go you’re gay and i i will grow into some clients and i’ll say right what’s the issue and they’ll they’ll turn around and say i’ve got border and personality disorder and i just turn around and go you know you’ve been trying borderline that’s rubbish i’ve got this full-blown uh dissociative personality disorder and at that point you just bond because i go actually this person’s talking to me as a human being they’re not annoyed um this is there’s two answers one yes my background helps me with people clients and the listeners because they know i’ve experienced it i’m not i haven’t just done some exam or i’m not just a podcaster who wants to grow in this space sure but it’s intrinsically who i am ever since i was sentient i’ve wanted to reach out and help i never realized i became aware of it about 10 years ago that i’m just driven to care that’s why i’ve ended up as a medic and now as a hypnotherapist and now as a podcaster i couldn’t be a fighter or an airline pilot as much as i wanted to be a pilot i can’t deny how i’m wired which is to look after others and i know people go that’s really wishy-washy but it’s an undeniable fact it’s what i do well so it just everything’s culminated in me having this podcast and finding something that i can do which i really enjoy and which serves and i want nothing else than that apart from the world domination and be the number one podcast just those things yeah yeah absolutely i might be able to help you with those um so we have we have books in our team and they’re called world domination they actually have that printed on the front um so funny that you would say that one thing excuse me i would love for you to speak to is so a lot of our listeners i are high performance and you and i talked about this a little bit offline but i said um the pretty driven type and sometimes that is hard to switch off you know you’re at work you’re you’re running your business you’re hard charging um and because of that sometimes we’re not as always we’re not as open about struggles whether that’s anxiety or depression or just feelings of overwhelm because hey i’m i’m the leader i am the person with plan and there’s really no space for me to to kind of pause or have a moment of weakness can you speak to someone who is a high performer that maybe is experiencing overwhelm or anxiety um today that they they just need to take time out just even if it’s five minutes but 10 minutes a day just to be aware of the moment right your brain needs that because when you’re asleep your subconscious is working through all all the memories of the previous day and putting everything in order and letting the brain rest and relax and then when they wake up they’re on go for those 12 hours or more and you know i’ve been there when i’ve done far too many hours in a day if you don’t take time you will be stressed right and i was um about four years ago the doctors wanted to put me on blood pressure tablets my blood pressure had crept over the 140 barrier and this is when i started to get really into mindfulness and i i declined it because i know that’s a lifestyle problem as is type 2 diabetes which stops as well and i just chose at that point to be more relaxed and it people get you can’t just choose to be more relaxed you can i do my blood pressure at the beginning of a shift in the ambulance and i was happy once i got it down to 120 but i knew i could do more because i am so competitive in everything it got worrying for my colleagues when my blood pressure was like 82 over 50 and my heart rate was 34 and they’re like i think you need to go to hospital well we’ll be going there later anyway you can change your world just by thinking about it you can change your stress levels just by having 10 minutes of letting go and and for those who haven’t tried it give it a week just give yourself a week say okay let’s see really if this works because it just me it’s worked for someone who’s bizarrely over the top ott always the center of attention hyper manic and then massively depressed it works for millions of people you know i didn’t come up with it mindfulness has been around certainly in the east where they do meditation it works it’s not some new age it’s not airy fairy it’s something we’ve forgotten to do which take care of ourselves in the moment just to learn to breathe just to go yeah right that’s cool you know and and i’ve seen it from people who don’t even know mindfulness and meditation favorite moment in my entire career is meeting a woman who i had known i’d saved her life three times from heroin overdoses so she was flat she was blue we bag her pump air into her we give her narcan reverse it she gets up tells us we’re all idiots and other things and then runs away and then a couple of years later i’m on a separate drop to an elderly person and there’s this carer there and i’m kind of trying to think because i’m hopeless with names and memories and i say do i know you she goes you probably saved my life a few times i was a heroin addict okay that’s it and she wasn’t just a heroin addict she was an alcoholic as well so she had the worst addictions i said well how did you get over it she goes i just woke up one day and said enough i went pardon she goes yeah i just said enough i stopped she went cold turkey off drink and heroin and and she still lives in the same community so she’s still surrounded by the society and her social circle that still do drugs i just thought if she can do it anyone can do it i i desperate to find her i want to interview her yeah i want to empower her as a poster of what you can do if you choose to if you’re ready to let go you can choose to do it it’s amazing it’s i mean again that’s at the center of change your story and change your life so her circumstances didn’t change at all and whatever drove her to be a heroin addict and an alcoholic there’s probably quite a bit of trauma um in there to to put her in that place um though that that situation still existed that childhood or experiences whatever it is that led her to that dark place in her life still existed all she did is change the story about them like i’m not i’m not suffering because of this now i’m going to be strong because of this because of the the struggles that i’ve navigated and have made i’ve made my muscles stronger it’s given me grit yeah i i see too many people who use it as an excuse for non-achievement i can’t be too specific but one girl once turned around and go you don’t know what it’s like my nan died seven years ago and i just i really did rip into her and said no idea my dad died three weeks ago i’ve never used it as an emotional crux and i really made her look at what she was trying to achieve and get out of this which was unfounded for where she was and she changed we walked out my crewmates said mark you never told me about your dad dying three weeks ago i said we didn’t but she didn’t know that and she needed to have a wake-up call but it’s just like wow you’re a good actor um and and sometimes people need to be told we do need to be blunt go look you’re using that for the wrong reason okay if you want a better life you’re going to need to put in something called hard work you’re going to have to face reality you’re going to have to admit your failings and your mistakes and then move forward and it is hard it’s very hard sure and i feel sorry for people who can’t overcome it which is why people like you and me are there to try and help with our experience for sure for sure one thing i want to ask about earlier you said that you tried getting up early you referenced the miracle morning um we love that book um in fact we just had one of the the co-authors for the miracle morning for entrepreneurs on a few weeks back um huge fan of morning routines i hear that getting up early is not your cup of tea but tell me do you have a morning routine in general so it’s not early but when martin does get up do you have kind of a set of habits that you follow through to set yourself up for success absolutely i’m because i work shifts and have done for 20 years i can’t have a morning routine um but something i’ve always learned because when i was 13 i had a paper round and and because i was so committed even at that age i had six paper rounds so i’d get up 3 30 to go and knock them out before school i as soon as the alarm goes on i’m not a news person as soon as that goes off i’m up straight away and will commit to what i have to do i do having i watched hal’s miracle morning premiere film and i started to do it but i realized that doesn’t suit me yeah sure tomorrow i have to be on shift for the ambulance service at seven instead of getting up at 10-7 because i work from home so it’s just a walk down the corridor i will wake up at half six because i want to do my breathing exercises sure i want to just think okay i’m ready let’s go yeah that’s the only thing i do but sure the last few years of mindfulness and meditation as soon as i wake up my brain’s like let’s go let’s do it it’s time it’s time so just a couple more questions for you martin one is um what tell us what’s next for you you mentioned you’ve got some some things you’re working on in the background what’s next for mark yeah um so a great a fantastic new milestone happened this week i found a sponsor in fact they approached me so calming anxiety next month is being sponsored by a company and i’ve waited a long time because i wanted to align with it so i i won’t advertise on your shape i’m really happy with that sure hope people who listen will appreciate the sponsorship they’ll like the cup the product um but we’re building the calming anxiety app and it’s not just for mindfulness it’s a radical departure from what are out there like calm in headspace and we have some big plans and if we get the backing fingers crossed this will be when you get the backing martin yeah um my business partner is discussing that with someone who’s back some of their other projects and my business partners it approached me they are a super fan so pat flynn would be very proud of this this is a great story of providing they like they helped redesign so this is my old logo but they’ve redesigned the new one because they said it needs to be more professional i was thinking about an app they said they phoned me up and said you need an app i’ll go no but go i’ll build it and this is a super fan i just want to emphasize guys this is someone that martin hired this is someone who’s been impacted by the work that he’s doing and has jumped in to leverage his business even more yeah so the you know i’ve scripted them all out it’s it’s taken me in a new direction this app will be a legacy it’s i i don’t want to say anything because i don’t want to give away what we’ve put in it sure um other people jumping sure but it’s mind-blowingly brilliant don’t anyone listening think oh he’s a little bit overconfident this is something between me and this part of mine and we’ve come up with some ideas that aren’t out there if you want to look after your mental health this i i’m going to be so proud and also if it’s the success that we believe it will be it means we can then go on and create something that will be so incredible so i i would like to support um adolescent mental health in north devon and then the south west and this will be able to fund that charity and i normally i can sleep at night i just lie down and i’m out but now my mind is racing with the extent that this is taking me and if ever you had someone who’s pivoted from a small acorn this will be a forest of oak trees it will be phenomenal i’ll be i i will pass away a very happy man if my goals are reached you’re living out your legacy right now i mean talk about a topic that’s near and dear to your heart that you’re in a unique position to both um understand but also remedy yeah it’s not just that you may have had similar past but you also have the tools and the expertise to help people in this exact situation it’s got to work and when we speak about our passions and our missions and when the thing that’s really pulling at us the thing that keeps us up at night as we share that people super fans um and connectors and networkers they’re they they they’re attracted to that and so i’m so glad that you shared it on this podcast because someone who’s listening right now might be saying i’m passionate about the same thing i’m passionate about the work that martin’s passionate about how can i align with him um which is fantastic so i have one more question but before i ask that question where can people find you martin um well the podcast calming anxiety is on every single platform even i do like that um going into people’s home going hey alexa play calming hangs out with me we couldn’t fix google home but we finally did so now i’m like i’ll go to people’s houses and start my podcast yeah it’s just sorry that’s it it just took away we could do that um the website is martinhewlet.co.uk or direct to the podcast is calminganxiety.net which is actually part of my website but it’s a direct link and there are over 300 shows all there so powerful all for free absolutely check out martin’s podcast check out the calming anxiety we’re going to put the link to the show notes um that the topics are are so relevant right now they’re incredibly helpful no no doubt that um as you skim through them think about how they’ll help you but also think about who else they can help whether that’s um a cubemate that you have whether that’s a partner maybe even an adolescent that is struggling someone you know needs to hear what martin has to say right now so this is a way for us to pay it forward is think about who do we know that needs this message um and make sure you share it with them so mark my my last question this one’s a big one um if you could say any message to the world so if the world’s listening right now um what would you want to tell them forgive your past and move forward really if you’ve had a difficult past and you just accept it you know you can’t change it just say look i’m sorry for the hurt i went through or i created draw a line and then move forward that’s you know because no nobody’s perfect but sadly the negative anchors of our past hold us back from really being who we want to be i’m a really powerful testament to that and i would like to through the podcast help others you know and it’s we’re at 1.4 million downloads in 13 months if i’ve helped even a tenth of those people that’s a lot of people who are now living a happier life right that’s what i like to do oh martin that’s so good i’m so glad to play a part in that as well um you have a great message and i’m excited for more of the world to hear it appreciate it thanks martin all right we’re gonna hop off of live now